What's in a name?

At the risk of sounding like a wise guy, here it goes: Tell me the name of your business and your city, and I can tell you, with 95% certainty, what your business looks like. Hey, I haven't visited over 600 stores for nothing!

Without knowing your city, my accuracy is going to slip, but let's try it on for size anyway.

Which of these words is in your name?

Sleep or Mattress - Your lighting is fluorescent, your windows are full of signs, neon and otherwise, and next to the sales desk you have a TV set, which is almost always on. All of your mattresses are bare.

Your best-selling futon: Red mattress on a black metal frame.

Waterbed(s) - Your store probably has a big square command post in the middle, maybe even elevated, with lots of file drawers and loose leaf binders around. If not, it's because your store is on the small side. Most of your mattresses are bare.

Your best-selling futon: 6" or 8" mattress with factory select cover on an imported wood frame.

Bedroom(s) - You have a tastefully decorated store with some track lighting and a nice carpet, and you sell better quality merchandise, much of it displayed in room settings. You dropped the word Sleep, Mattress, or Waterbeds from your name when you remodeled or relocated a few years ago. Most of your beds are dressed up with comforters and pillows.

Your best-selling futon: Innerspring futon mattress with quality cover on an oak frame.

Bed(s) or Bedding - You're not as basic as Sleep or Mattress, not as fancy as Bedrooms. In other words, you wouldn't be caught dead smoking or playing solitaire in front of customers, but you wish you had a few bucks to fix the place up a little nicer. Lots of brass beds and daybeds, and a sizable futon department.

Your best-selling futon: 8" mattress with special order cover on a better import wood frame.

Outlet or Warehouse - Your store is homely, or it's in a bad part of town, or both. But with a name like this, it works for you!

Your best-selling futon: Plain mattress on a pine frame.

Furniture (Big City) - It's remarkable that a store as big as yours has so few windows. I don't know if it's the lack of sunlight or those pressed suits, but everybody at your place seems...serious. Is anybody on a first-name basis with you, Mr. Boss?

Your best-selling futon: Well, you've had trouble figuring this out, and you're not sure if futons really belong in a store like yours. Can we talk?

Furniture (Small Town) - You've got slightly more daylight, and maybe you don't wear a tie, but you're pretty serious too. You often say that this business was easier, a lot easier, up until a few years ago.

Your best-selling futon: Choice of color mattresses on futon bunk bed.

Cotton or Dream or Cloud - You've got one of the original futon stores, and you still make them in the back room. You're not in it for the money, but a little more wouldn't hurt. Two years ago you put away the soji screens and tatami mats and put up Earth Day posters instead. Your best-selling futon: a mattress you make with a cover you make, on a frame some local guy makes. You've got a special name like The Hareless Rabbit or Toasted Rubber Junction, and every day you're explaining it to somebody, and, yes, it did seem like a good name at the time. Your store is, well, eclectic, with a special area where you sell biker jewelry or candles or baby cribs.

Your best-selling futon: Whatever's new with a great gimmick like special storage areas or a flip-out shelf.

Futon(s) - When it comes to windows, you've got it all over the big furniture store. Let the sun shine in! But, hey...wash 'em once in a while, will ya? If your store is really nice looking, you're probably thinking about a new name. How about including Bedrooms or Furniture?

Your best-selling futon: Who knows? Could be anything.

Want to get even? Next time in this space, maybe I'll print your comments about manufacturers and their reps. Send 'em in!

Dave Garretson is a manufacturer's rep who specializes in futons, and he also owns Futons & More in Rochester, NY. Dave has been associated with the futon industry since 1980.