You know, the Futon Expo is coming up, and the exhibitors are busy trying to come up with creative ideas for their displays. I know how to make the Expo fun and exciting, because it was all laid out for me in fabulous Technicolor.

I had a dream last night........

As I entered the Futon Expo, my attention was immediately drawn to the ferris wheel and roller coaster at the far end of the exhibit hall. “Wow,” I thought, “This time I know I’ll get all the way to the back of the show. I love roller coasters! I wonder if they have cotton candy?”
I started down the aisle and encountered a handsome man in a tuxedo. He looked very cool, very elegant, and he casually held a martini glass in one hand. As I came closer, I saw that it was Bob Naboicheck. He looked up at me with a self-amused, knowing smirk that barely registered on his face. “What’s the idea, Bob?” I asked. “Why do you look so sleek and elegant? Who are you supposed to be?”

“Hello, my good man,” he said in a sophisticated British way. “The name is Bond... Gold Bond.”

He pulled back his dinner jacket to reveal a holstered tufting gun. Hollywood spy music began to play as we went into his booth, where he was immediately surrounded by beautiful women in evening gowns. They hung on his every word as he described his new futon model, the 007. Here it was, the first ejector seat futon on the market.

This was too weird for me, so I left and made my way over to the Wolf exhibit. There, I found Tony Wolf sitting on a thick futon mattress with a scarf pulled over his head. “My, Tony,” I said “What a big futon you have.”

“All the better to eat you with,” shouted Tony, as he jumped up and lunged at me. Oh no! Mommy! I ran away as fast as I could, but it was hard because my red hood kept flapping in my face. I ran and ran and ran until I found a woodsman.

The woodsman had a big axe. He was standing still, and I hid behind him. Obviously he’d been cutting wood and making futon frames, but now he was just standing there. He tried to say something, but I couldn’t make it out. Then my dog Toto started barking and ran over to the oil can.

“Listen, Toto,” I said, “We’re not going down this road, even if it is paved with yellow bricks. It’s full of lions and tigers and bears and flying monkeys and witches. Let’s take this dream over that-a-way.”

We were heading back to the futon show when we came to a big tree. Actually, it was Big Tree, the company, but it was also a great big tree, a real big tree! You could go right inside to try out the futons, and once you got in there they were all dressed like elves, and most of them were named Bob, and they gave you cookies! Wow!

We were eating our cookies and then I realized this party had morphed into the annual Futon Banquet, and everybody was wearing costumes. People were dressed up like their names, kinda.

Bob Fireman was on a fire truck, and he wore a big slicker and fire fighter’s hat. Sherri and Joe Hammer were there as a Mr. & Mrs. Claw and Ball Peen. Joe Tatulli, or was it Tattooli, was covered with tattoos. It went on and on, hundreds of people dressed up like themselves, and I was getting dizzy, and I had to sit down, and then, a blur out of the corner..... Tony Wolf! But this time he looked like a real wolf, and he had big sharp teeth, and he looked mean, and he started chasing me, and I fell down, and ... POOF! I woke up.

What an odd dream. Why would they ever put the Futon Expo in such a strange place? Why, it’s almost as if they had it in a crazy city where you could see the Eiffel Tower, the Empire State Building, and the Great Pyramid, all on the same street. Crazy, huh?

Excuse me, enough of this silliness. I have to wake up now and book my reservations for the Futon Expo. See you in my dreams!