Take my Word for it. Here is the Futon Dictionary you've been waiting for!

Before we meet again at the Futon Expo or some other trade event, let's get a few things straight. For starters, let's agree on the meaning of a few common terms. Here, at last, the world's first comprehensive Futon Dictionary, as compiled by the internationally renowned futon lexicographer, yours truly. And no, it's not in alphabetical order.

futon - Something that floated across the Pacific on a warm current and was discovered on the shores of California.
futon cover - Fabric that may or may not be better looking than the mattress it is covering up.
daybed - An outmoded twin bed that wishes it could be a full size futon.
delivery - A service which is always performed later than promised.
instruction sheet - An elaborate prank played upon American consumers by overseas practical jokers.
shipping damage - A mysterious destructive force which acts upon long-awaited special orders.
on the water - Special place where your supplier is storing your overdue order.
manufacturing - The process which adds defects to raw materials.
factory - Far-away building where other people are blamed for everything that goes wrong.
factory sales rep - The one person in the world who is always on your side, at least until something goes wrong.
inches - A make-believe measurement, primarily used to describe the thickness of futon mattresses - or the length, of, uh, never mind.
swatch - Fabric sample which the husband thinks is too expensive, but the wife insists on buying it anyway because it's perfect, and the mill has discontinued it.
tufting - The broken pieces of string found inside a futon mattress.
seams - Name given to any stray mark or crease on a futon mattress or cover.
wood - Genuine wood or wood by-products, such as compressed newspapers.
hardwood - Extra-strong newspapers.
hardware - Hard-to-find nuts and bolts that people on the phone think you ought to have for the futon frames they bought some place else.
cigarette butts - Outdoor décor motif favored by some retailers.
parking lot - Area used by customers to explain that they thought the futon would fit.
display window - Glass surface which, left unwashed, can be used to prevent the public from looking into the store.
sales desk - Area for completion of crossword puzzles, consumption of food, and placement of feet.
back room - Area of the store where broken and mismatched futon frames enter into a state of near-worthlessness, and are kept until after they reach a state of total worthlessness.
telephone - Device which never rings unless you are busy doing something else.
dust - Natural substance used to indicate slow moving merchandise.
vacuuming - Activity which is usually avoided, unless one wishes to generate store traffic.
sale price - Phrase used to describe anything sold at any time in any store at any price under any circumstances.
advertising - Money spent to get rid of annoying salespeople and hopefully replace them with annoying customers.
net 30 - Money that was due last month and will be paid next month.
closing time - The hour at which especially annoying customers arrive in the store.

FL