Become A Do-It-Yourself Economist

In these uncertain times, we count on our economists for additional uncertainty. Many people blithely assume that there is an endless supply of the economists’ vague explanations and predictions, but I am skeptical. A shortage is definitely possible!

Imagine how lost we’d be if our abundant supply of economic forecasts was suddenly cut short. In our despair and confusion, how could we satisfy our hunger for confusing answers?

We can’t rely on government and universities. What if they suddenly became rational and understandable, dispensing sensible explanations and accurate predictions? Where would we turn for the kind of answers we rely on today? Friends, there is only one clear option. We must learn to do it ourselves.

I predict that do-it-yourself economic forecasting will become a major growth sector. See, I’ve already gotten started! Don’t worry, I’ll help you catch up. Ladies and Gentlemen, I offer you Dave’s Be-Your-Own-Economist Kit.

Dave’s Do-It-Yourself newspaper-style economic analysis of what just happened

(Fill in the blanks from choices provided)

“Stock prices/Bond prices/consumer confidence suffered/enjoyed a mild/severe seasonal/downturn/upswing this week, due to the surprising/alarming/widely anticipated rise/fall in unemployment/oil prices/housing starts/consumer spending/interest rates. It is widely hoped/ feared that this news will trigger improvement/decline in world markets/inflation/balance of trade/gross domestic product/manufacturing productivity, and make election prospects easier/ harder for the Democrats/Republicans in the fall. Of course, if there is another terrorist attack/budgetdeficit/violent uprising/airline strike, all bets are off.”

Dave’s Do-It-Yourself economic prediction for family gatherings and parties

As a business person, others look to you as their expert on the economy. Don’t let them down. And don’t say anything that they’ll disagree with either. What kind of expert would you be then? When asked about the state of the economy and business, draw in a deep breath, smirk in a knowing way, pump yourself up like Barney Fyfe and say:

“Well, I can tell you one thing about the economy. We’re not going to get anywhere until the President and Congress get together and come up with a better plan.”

(Look around for agreement)

“It’s our country, and we need to take care of ourselves first!”

(Look around for agreement)

“Those news reports aren’t helping much either. They tell the public to expect a recession, and then people get afraid and stop spending. No wonder!”

(Uh, you’re running out of material now. Here’s your out):

“Oops! I need one of those little napkins.”

Dave’s Do-It-Yourself economic outlook for customers

(Start with a big enthusiastic smile. You may wish to practice in front of a mirror.)

“Sure, things were a little slow the week after September 11th, but business is great now. People are paying more attention to their homes, and that’s good for us. 2001 was our best year ever, and this year will be even better… No doubt about it! So, shall I write that up for you?”

FL