High Point… Las Vegas…. what’s the difference?

Now that another High Point market is upon us, it’s time to rev up the debate once again. The proposed furniture market building in Las Vegas is closer to reality. This means, of course, that High Point hallways will buzz this month with speculation, pontification, argumentation and comparison.

Actually, the task of objectively comparing Las Vegas to High Point has already been completed. The renowned Furniture Showroom Institute conducted a comprehensive review using the latest scientific methods. The two cities and their furniture markets were thoroughly analyzed, and the findings were sealed in a top-secret report that has never been seen by anybody until now (because until now it had not occurred to me to make it up yet).

How did the researchers make their comparisons? Five key factors were measured, weighted, evaluated, and possibly ignored. WBBMI, MONI, BBDR, IBDOF, and also ASMO.

WBBMI -Windowless Building Bunker Mentality Index. Closely related to NMSS (Need More Sunshine Syndrome) and BTMACAQ (Breathing Too Much Air Conditioned Air Quotient).

Human stress levels increase and productivity goes down when people spend too many hours in airtight, windowless buildings. But of course, those of you who work for the Top 100 Retailers already knew that!

The Furniture Showroom Institute conducted a series of secret experiments. Lab rats were exposed to simulated market building environments. The rats wandered aimlessly through their maze and failed to find the showrooms containing cheese. At the end of the day, many of them were unable to find their way back to their hotels, er, cages.

Conclusion: Nearly even, because both cities are notoriously windowless. Slight advantage to High Point, which does have two or three windows.

MONI - Middle Of Nowhere Idea. As in whose idea was it to hold this event in the middle of nowhere?

To obtain this critical measure, furniture buyers were surveyed to determine the actual location of “middle of nowhere.” Surprisingly, the location of “middle of nowhere” varied all over the map (literally), depending on the location of the person being asked. Nowhere is always elsewhere, even if you yourself live in the middle of it.

In this survey, respondents were almost evenly split, ranking High Point and Las Vegas equally close to the middle of nowhere. Interestingly, however, those who named Las Vegas didn’t seemed to mind.

Conclusion: Almost even, slight advantage to Las Vegas.

BBDR - Better Buying Decisions Ratio. This measure shows the relationship between two key indicators, TNTDITTANF (There’s Nothing To Do In This Town At Night Factor), and ITAMNIITSF (It’s Ten AM and Nobody Is In The Showroom Factor).

As you might expect, The Institute determined that attendees are 80% more likely to be bored at night in High Point, and 90% more likely to be found in a showroom at 10 AM.

Las Vegas attendees are much less likely to be bored at night, and only slightly less likely to be absent from a showroom in the morning. However, the Las Vegas attendees are 300% more likely to fall asleep during afternoon presentations.

Conclusion: Advantage goes to High Point, for the good of the industry and spouses who may be left at home.

IBDOF - It’s a Beautiful Day Outside Factor. Actually, the full name of this key indicator is It’s a Beautiful Day Outside But We’re Stuck In Here Factor.

Clearly, attendees would spend the entire day inside at either location. Research shows that misery increases (and effectiveness decreases) if the weather outside is considered ideal. The city with bad weather is a better choice for the furniture market, because attendees are more willing to stay inside and concentrate on their work.

So which city has worse (i.e., better) weather? For this question the Institute consulted the Center for Bad Weather Analysis. The Center reported that the two cities ranked very closely, but the constant high temperatures of Las Vegas triumphed over the occasional high humidity or rain showers of High Point.

Conclusion: Advantage to Las Vegas.

ASMO - Airport Slot Machine Opportunities. I should point out here that the study originally contained only four measures. However, the initial report was so evenly tied that the study’s sponsor, FPRFLV (Furniture People Rooting For Las Vegas), questioned its accuracy. The Institute, facing likely embarrassment and nonpayment, decided to add this fifth measure as a tiebreaker.

An objective study of both airports revealed that North Carolina airports are woefully lacking in slot machines, while Las Vegas excels in this critical category.

Conclusion: Clear advantage for Las Vegas.

Conclusion - The study clearly showed that Las Vegas is the preferred city for the furniture market. As you can see, the Furniture Showroom Institute used state-of-the-art scientific methods to arrive at this objective conclusion.

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