Sooner or later, you knew it would come to this. Futons are being featured in this fall’s new crop of reality TV shows. Check your local listings.

American Futon Idol – One after another, contestants swallow their pride and present themselves to a panel of ruthless judges. They have only a few minutes to dazzle them by making a futon mattress, expertly and artfully. Cotton batting, ticking, and hunks of foam fly in the arena as the contestants show their stuff. Or is it stuffing? “My gawd,” says one of the judges in the season opener, “those are the worst tufts I’ve ever seen. You, my dear sir, are a horrible futon maker.”

Futon COPS: Undercover – The exciting world of quality inspectors as they do battle at the cutting tables and sewing stations of futon cover manufacturers. “Freeze!” shouts one of the inspectors. “Hands in the air! Step away from the scissors.”

“*%#* you!” protests the belligerent worker. “I gotta finish these flanged pillows.” The inspector runs his hand over the unfinished pillow case. “That ain’t no flange,” he says with thinly veiled disdain.

Futon Fear Factor - Beautiful supermodels vie for dominance in a weekly futon competition. In their first challenge, they cringe with disgust as they try to eat a plate of boll weevils, served over a bed of raw cotton. Yuck! Next, they change into skimpy bikinis for the underwater futon assembly race. Oops, don’t drop that hex wrench!

Futon Island – Palm trees sway in the breeze above a beautiful Indonesian beach. In the distance, we hear frenzied shouting, and the sounds of woodworking tools. As we zoom in, we see frenzied activity in the island’s makeshift futon factory. Two teams are racing the clock to fill orders for futon frames. With weary satisfaction, the exhausted teams watch as the shipping containers leave the factory. The drama, however, is not over. When they learn that two left arms were packed into every box, the quality inspector is voted off the island.

Queer Eye for the Futon Guy – A broken and stained futon sits out on the curb. Suddenly, from out of nowhere, a van careens around the corner and screeches to a stop. It’s the Fab Futoneers! They jump out and go right to work…measuring, shopping, cooking, talking, planning, painting, sewing. At the end of the episode, the left-for-trash futon has been made over into a thing of beauty. They put it back on the curb and hope for the best.

Share my Bachelor Futon – “Who will share my futon?” That’s the intriguing question of this new series, and viewers are dying to know the answer. Week after week, contestants humiliate themselves in this competition, hoping to be “The One” who is invited onto the special futon. Who will it be? Stay tuned!

The Futon Apprentice – “You’re fired!” Those are the words dreaded by every futon apprentice in this action-packed real-life drama of the futon workplace. In the first episode, the apprentices struggle to establish their new futon store in Manhattan. They busily go about arranging the displays, organizing the backroom, and placing ads. Of course, there’s always a surprise twist. When the team discovers that none of them speaks Russian, they face an unfortunate misunderstanding with a rival store. “Dosvedanya!”

Trading Futons – Two neighboring couples. Two futons. Four butts. The couples are challenged to spend 48 hours in each other’s homes, sitting on the other couple’s futon. They endure thin futon pads over metal support rods, loose-fitting covers, and thick futon mattresses that just won’t stay put. In episode three, one of the contestants bangs his head getting up from a futon bunk bed.

FL