Pardon me? Your High Point Translation Guide.

Our last time together, to refresh your memory, we reviewed the amusing things people say at the Futon Expo. High Point, of course, is a much bigger market, and that’s why the remarks are even more, uh, interesting.

At High Point, almost every remark has a hidden meaning. Anyway, that’s what I tell myself, since I usually don’t understand what people are saying to me. In order to help myself, and you, I’ve put together this little translation guide. Now you’ll understand what they really mean in High Point conversation:

“Where are you staying?”
Translation: Don’t fall for this one. It may seem like a friendly question, and it may even come from a friend. But more likely than not, it will lead to “Hey, that’s near me! How about a ride?”

“Welcome to our restaurant. We hope you’ll enjoy our special market menu.”
Translation: “Our prices are usually much lower!”

“$10 Parking. Close in!”
Translation: “The entrance is close-in. Your space is behind the furthest building.. See it? No, not the burnt-out building, the one after that. If you squint you can see it... There! By the way, management is not responsible for damage to your tires or shoes.”

“Shine mister?”
Translation: “Yes, I’m twelve, but they don’t pay me at school.”

“Wow, I haven’t seen you in years!”
Translation: “I’ve been avoiding you.”

“Don’t I owe you a lunch? Come with me!”
Translation: “I know a showroom where there’s a free buffet.”

“How’s business?”
Translation: “I’ve got a few minutes to kill. Let’s lie to each other.”

“Let me give you directions to our showroom.”
Translation: “You’ll never find us.”

“Please wait here. Your rep will be with you in a moment.”
Translation: “He left the building two hours ago, but he always checks in eventually.”

“You’d better buy now! This is a market special!”
Translation: “If you don’t buy now, we may not make it to the next market.”

“I don’t want to criticize our competition.”
Translation: “Get comfortable. I’m going to spend the next fifteen minutes on it.”

“This is the best market we’ve had in years!”
Translation: “The others were even worse.”

“We’ve got some exciting introductions to show you.”
Translation: “We think we finally copied the right look.”

“This model will go into production next month.”
Translation: “If somebody buys it.”

“We’ve got quick-ship capability.”
Translation: “Sears cancelled their order.”

“This has been a very exciting market for us.”
Translation: “The owner fired the sales manager.”

“This is a hot look. Everybody loves it!”
Translation: “Please don’t laugh. My boss is watching.”

“We’ve taken an entirely new direction!”
Translation: “It’s a miracle we made it this far!”

“As you can see, our company is quite innovative. We’re on the cutting edge.”
Translation: “We hope we guessed right, because nobody else has introduced anything remotely like this.”

“We are very selective about placing our line with new retailers.”
Translation: “Can you pay in advance?”

“Thank you for visiting High Point. Please come again!”
Translation: “I need the money!”